brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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