i just wanna soil my oats bro
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
