I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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