I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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