Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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