I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
