got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
