Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
