my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
