we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
