whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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