Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
