Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
