Wipe that smile off your face.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.