the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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