dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
