I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
