Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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