Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
