I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
