just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
