there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
