In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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