I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
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Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
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she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize