Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
