the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
