I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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