Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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