id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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