Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
