Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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