I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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