Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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