i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
do herpes really smell.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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