i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
