so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
