I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
