i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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