he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Shame - the story of my life.
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