break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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