I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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