Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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