Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
