So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
