I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
