my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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