MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
