you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
