Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
