I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
