This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
