And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
