The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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