I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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