she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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