I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize