I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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