On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
