AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
