i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
