Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
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Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
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I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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