Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
