Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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