Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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