fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
