Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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