she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
