non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
