lets start a swedish sibling band together
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
