I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
